So I know that’s quite the provocative title for a newsletter post. This post will start out about day-to-day product management and then it’ll go into a slightly larger sphere and topic. I’ll try to make it as easy of a line of thinking to follow as possible.
It’s common for PMs to have adversarial relationships with other PMs. Sometimes, there is limited engineering capacity and all things can’t be built all at the same time. Most of the time, you like your coworkers enough that you come to some sort of compromise between yourselves or...also with a third party. An example being a Senior Leader conceding that one PM won’t be able to demonstrate significant movement towards their OKR, KPI or any other acronym that’s hot these days. This way it’s known that come performance review season, this won’t be held as against them for some of the acronym measurements as there just wasn’t a way to prioritize everyone’s roadmap given the constraints.
The Zero-Sum Trap
But other times, that compromise doesn’t work out. You have PMs engaging in zero-sum activities to ensure the survival of their own product strategy. This is also quite common, and I’m the last person to judge here. Given the constraints, who wouldn’t want their product or the team they’re responsible for to succeed? After all, a couple of missed marks could mean the difference between a promotion or regrettably being put on a spreadsheet (metaphorical or literal) for the next round of layoffs. This is an outcome no one wants, certainly not your manager or your senior leadership, but in the current climate, quite the in-vogue thing to do.
It felt like a battle royale. The first meeting was a mess. We had flown people in from all over the country, and it mostly resulted in a lot of shouting. When we walked in after lunch, we had to change the dynamic.
The Proactive PM: Taking Control
Okay, so we’ve established that the zero-sum game is a real thing. But we’re not helpless! As PMs, we’re supposed to be proactive problem-solvers. So, let’s focus on what we can control:
Get People to Work Together For Real: I’ve been in situations where things got...heated. I remember one pricing strategy discussion with a dozen PMs, all fiercely advocating for their own product. The goal, of course, was to figure out the best way to price things to everyone’s benefit. But in the moment, it felt like a battle royale. The first meeting was a mess. We had flown people in from all over the country, and it mostly resulted in a lot of shouting. When we walked in after lunch, I knew we had to change the dynamic. I started by reminding everyone that our ultimate goal was to make the company successful, not just our individual products. We needed to focus on increasing renewals, even if it meant making some compromises. For example, Company A used to buy Product 1 for $100/year. Instead of losing them or accepting a lower price renewal, we offered them a bundle of Products 1, 2, and 3 for $130/year. Product 1’s revenue might have looked a little smaller on paper, but the overall deal was better for the company because it improved revenue retention and likely led to future upsells. The key was shifting the focus from individual wins to collective success, aligning incentives around shared goals like margin expansion and long-term customer value. I was lucky that most of the people in the room were my direct reports, but even without that authority, the outcome could have been the same – it would have just taken more time and patience, as long as they saw my conviction.
Prioritizing Your Well-being: This is going to sound cheesy, but take care of yourself. Burnout is real, and it makes you a worse PM. Set boundaries, take breaks, and find healthy ways to manage stress. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to remind certain members of my team of this. In the thick of it, you might just feel some combination of imposter syndrome, sheer ambition, and a need to prove yourself. This will absolutely lead to exhaustion and you don’t want to deal with it when it’s too late (frankly, you’ll be in denial by then.)
Manage People in Every Direction: Being able to influence people, regardless of their position, is a superpower. As a PM, you’re constantly negotiating, persuading, and collaborating. This means understanding different perspectives, communicating effectively, and building trust. Whether you have direct reports or not, mastering these skills will make you a more effective and respected PM. Think of it as building a “coalition of the willing” around your product vision. For example, imagine you need engineering to prioritize a small but critical feature for a key customer. You could demand it, pull rank, or try to guilt-trip them (we’ve all been there). Or, you could take the time to understand their workload, explain the impact on the customer, and find a way to make it a win-win for everyone. Maybe that means offering to help with documentation, testing, or even just bringing them coffee and listening to their gripes about the build system or the CI pipeline. You could also offer to help write test cases, clarify requirements, or even just clear their schedule for a few hours so they can focus.
Be Likeable, But Don’t Be a Doormat: You need to be able to have allies everywhere and at any time. Life is about dealing with information asymmetry of all kinds. You never know who is going to show up for you, who is going to ghost you, or worse, who will actually undermine you in the future. It is in your control how much people will show up for you, but it’s not for free. Building bonds and maintaining relationships takes time – time that could be spent towards family, friends, or pets (though I do feel differently when my dog just refuses to poop and play around when its freezing cold outside). You’ll have to choose how many non-workday coworker conversations you’re willing to have. The most successful people deliberately figure out what relationships are worth taking time away from all your loved ones.
Help Others Without Expecting Anything in Return (Not Even Secretly): You want a good village around you. You might not have the full skillset to help another team member, but there is likely a way to help when help is needed. I’ve worked with my friend, Zara Khan, on a large BD presentation she was going to have with a major Agriculture company after hours when it had nothing to do with my work. The only incentive I had was that I’d have a friend to eat dinner with right afterwards. A colleague in FP&A years ago, Judy Hao, helped me with some complex sales reports that would have taken me a week to compile. She did them in an hour, even though I’m sure she was slammed with her own priorities. I still remember that (Thanks Judy.) You can be someone’s “Judy” too. These impressions are lasting and carry forward goodwill for moments you can’t ever predict. It’s what we do to help our village.
Cover your economic foundation: This isn’t easy for a 25-year-old with no major responsibilities OR for a 45-year-old with a family. The key is to build antifragility – the ability to not just withstand shocks, but to benefit from them. (we talked about this in a previous post) This takes time and might mean sacrificing some upside or fun in the short term. If it is possible, try and find ways to live below your means. Every month of financial runway you can build for yourself can give you that much freedom to not operate out of fear. Think of it as building a financial “buffer” that allows you to take risks and pursue opportunities without being paralyzed by anxiety.
Systemic Issues (The Bigger Picture)
But money can be borrowed. Time, on the other hand, is a truly limited resource. You can’t leverage it.
Of course, even with all these individual actions, the current system often feels rigged. The incentives aren’t aligned to encourage collaboration and long-term thinking. As Scott Galloway likes to say, America embraces “full-body-contact capitalism,” but unfortunately...it often pushes employees to focus on the lowest common denominator: win at all costs, get that promotion at all costs, keep your job through the next round of layoffs at all costs. It feels less like a fair game and more like survival of the harshest and luckiest.
I don’t have a solution to this. It’s a systemic problem, and individual actions can only go so far. But it’s important to acknowledge the adversarial dynamic between labor and capital. In more egalitarian societies, cooperation is often prioritized over one-sided growth. In the US, that’s not always the case. We often prioritize capital (and the return of capital), arguing that investors take on the most risk. But money can be borrowed. Time, on the other hand, is a truly limited resource. You can’t put leverage on it. Your kid’s birthday only happens once. Your anniversary dinner only happens once (a year). Time should be valued higher. I have a strong feeling that work culture in the US trickles down (sighs.) from having a value system like this.
The AI Wildcard
And now, we’re facing the rise of AI...whatever that means. Will this exacerbate the problem, leading to even more pressure on workers and a greater frequency of zero-sum games? Or can we find a way to use AI to create a more just and sustainable future? The answer depends on the choices we make at the company and societal level. I have ideas, but they’re at best half-baked. Maybe I’ll flush them out enough to talk about them one of these days.